is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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