I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
