Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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