we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize