Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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