so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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