i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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