omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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