Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
