You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
