So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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