dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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