I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
