Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
