What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
