I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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