I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
