i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
