exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
