Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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