Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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