also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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