Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the day after is always just damage control
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
