I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
