What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
try to milk me bitch
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