i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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