"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
