Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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