DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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