life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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