i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
