when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
