I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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