nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
