Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
