Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
