i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize