Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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