and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
