Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
