Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
