Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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