That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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