btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
