we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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