allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
