shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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