i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
