You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
