Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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