I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
