I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
