the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
