To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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