Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
