i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
