Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
