there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
