i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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