some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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