I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
