My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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