This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
