And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
